User Profile

(February 11, 2007 10:11 PM)

I am reborn. Like the mythical phoenix I rise from the ashes, ready to resume a virtual existence, a spectral twin, a weblog. It has been too long – way too long since I last typed for a nonexistent, invisible audience, and I have my impassable pride to blame for my voluntary silence. Simply put, I felt the invisible strands of LiveJournal slowly strangling me, forcing me into a direction I didn’t want to tread. Hence, I went on hiatus. My birthday, the holiday season, the major points of my new life philosophy – all these went untackled and uncommented upon. They remained solely in the one place they were sure to fester: in the back of my demented head, left to rot like some can of Chunkee corned beef nobody noticed until spring cleaning the year after next.

It has been – how to put it lightly – hard. I had been going through some very tough changes, some life changing predicaments that would have profited me wisely had I typed them out in a Microsoft Word Document for my invisible audience to see. But then again, the thought of millions of virtual eyes peering through and poking through every mundane detail in my life makes me paranoid as hell. In the end, it was a no-win situation. Lack of involvement, or lack of privacy? I had very unwisely chosen the former. It was a dark age, for me and for my audience of dozens? hundreds? millions? one? Whatever.

You may be saying what an idiotic thought it is to blow three months without LJ out of proportion. It is a big deal – at least for someone like me, who aspires to be a serious writer, whether that be a future reality or a mere pipe dream to occupy my fancy. It is pure torture to force somebody who communicates mostly through the written word to give up the computer for long stretches of time. Depriving the poet of his pen and inkwell would be tantamount to depriving anyone of food and water. I who thrive on words find myself suddenly parched. It has been supreme hell, all three months of it.

I made this journal to reassess how I’ve been living my life, how fucked up every single thing has become. In a way, it will serve to siphon all my negative energy, like the vomit bag they give you on long commercial flights. Whenever I feel fucked up (which is often, as you might have guessed) I will turn to this page to seek redress, to seek guidance, to simply outpour all my disgust, fear, hurt, insecurity and angst. It won’t always be pretty, but what I can promise you is this: perfect grammar, sensible topics, coherent paragraphs, and definitely no “<333”s or “:P” or other cutesy effects – all of these have infected 99% of all otherwise-intelligent blogs that have festered on my friends page for so long (part of the reason I went on hiatus in the first place). Rather than style, I promise to focus on substance, something I’ve sorely been lacking on for most of my life.

What can you expect from psychoticpuffer, my cyber-alter ego in the next few months to come? A lot of heavy angst, psychotic ramblings, hateful messages, but all of it – hardcore truth. No more sugarcoating, no more facades. This time, no more censorship. No more “myopia: telling you like it is (with reservations)” – I’m getting rid of my shortsightedness and now I plan on telling it all – with no reservations whatsoever. Major changes? Well, I’ll keep you posted.

That’s something to look forward to.

Friends (1):

Friend of (1):